It's time for another Carry on Tuesday writing prompt. Prompt #22 was definitely a challenge:
"Life is a flower of which love is the honey." -- Victor Hugo.
I toyed with this idea for a while, but the quotation just seemed TOO sweet. Then I allowed my "too sweet" response to loop back to the idea of love. Can love be "too sweet"? Who would feel that way?
I pondered a little more and thought that perhaps the man might feel trapped in a "too sweet" relationship. I wrote a second stanza with the idea of being tied in knots, and about how trying to untie the knotted relationship only made the bonds tighter, choking him. After working with the second stanza for quite a while, I decided to drop it and "stick" (pun intended) with the honey/glue image only.
Dealing with prompts like this is the main value I see in writing from prompts: sometimes what I come up with is complete and utter crap, but prompts make me think in new ways, considering different viewpoints and topics. I have struggled more with this prompt than I have with previous ones, and I'm still not happy with the results, but I'll put it out here anyway. Let me know what you think.
second skin
honey-flavored,
her love cloying,
too sweet to be savored,
leaving a tainted aftertaste
more than unpleasant,
less than toxic.
once flower-delicate,
now glue-ish --
white stickiness
clinging to him --
in time drying clear,
a second skin --taking a layer with it
when he peels it away,
no matter how carefully.
Copyright 2009 Susanne Barrett
6 comments:
I like this Susanne, it's a nice perspective-honey can be too sweet,and love can be cloying, but when gone, it still hurts.
I liked it thought it was nice ... even learned a new word.... cloying
well done! I too found the prompt too sweet this week, I just could get into the right headspace for it. I think you've done a great job.
Thanks, everyone. I'm learning how to edit a little more. My writing group helped me to thin out my propensity to over-describe with my "Again" poem tonight, and I cut our 2/3 of this one before posting it. Learning, learning ... always learning. :)
I love seeing how you craft your poetry Susanne, thank you for sharing this one (like it a lot!).
I really like the visual on this. It's clear.
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